The Humor of Closets and Intoxication
by xspirit.shinobix
Summary: Two drunk teenagers trapped in a small, dark closet is something Sakura should definitely be worried about. NaruSaku


A Naruto fanfiction. Haven't written _that_ in a while.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor any of its characters. Kishimoto, however, is the lucky bastard who does.

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**The Humor of Closets and Intoxication  
**

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To Sakura, her friends were her support. Whenever she had needed advice, they were the ones to rely on. They had pulled her through rough times and encouraged her to move forward. Really, she couldn't live without them. They got into silly quarrels occasionally, but all of them would end with a teary reconciliation and a trip to their favorite restaurant. She and her friends were connected by inseparable bonds. Like that phrase: that's what friends are for, right?

However, she would do anything to give Ino and Tenten a nice, chakra-filled punch in their obnoxious, giggling faces right about now.

"Sakura-chan?"

Sakura glared at the boy beside her—not like he'd be able to see through the dark anyways—and flung a nearby jacket at him, wanting nothing more than to disappear into a black pit. "What, Naruto?"

"…"

"…Well? You going to say something?"

"Um. Well. This is just really awkward, isn't it?"

She gritted her teeth. "I'm glad you noticed."

"So, we can't break out of this closet, huh?"

Sakura merely grumbled something under her breath. She had a perfectly good reason to be mad at them. She was trapped in a closet. A very dark, clothes-filled, cramped closet. Unfortunately, and she wasn't alone. _Naruto_ was with her. And it was her friends that had locked her in here with him.

Oh, how she will savor the moment when she bursts out of this damned closet and get her sweet revenge.

But she could devise her brilliantly formulated revenge plan later. She had bigger matters at hand. For starters, there was a hormone-driven teenager, no more than a foot away from her, sitting beside her. Furthermore, they were drunk. Well, not full-out wasted. Just…a little bit tipsy.

Yeah, not a good combination.

Ino had used her brain for once (and it just happened to be the one time when it was_ bad_ for her) and decided to place chakra repelling notes all over the closet. Did something like that even exist? Apparently so, because when she focused her chakra and tried to brutally punch her way out of this godforsaken place, it didn't work. She wasn't sure why regular kicks and punches didn't work either; perhaps the closet was just sturdy. Very. Sturdy.

Fuck Ino and Tenten and their supposed 'super-awesome-full-proof-matchmaking-plan'.

She would have thought of more obscenities to call them before she heard a rustling of clothes to her right. She turned to look and _Oh my God Naruto was taking off his jacket WHYYYY—_

"Hey, w-what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Sakura burst out, horribly flustered.

"Wait, no, no—" Naruto put his hands up in protest. "It's hot in here! I'm just taking off my jacket!"

Sakura's face turned bright red, and she knew the stuffiness in the closet and the effects of alcohol weren't the only factors. "Oh. Right. Sorry." She cleared her throat, forcing her embarrassment down.

"R-right." Naruto laughed a little. "I knew you were thinking like—you know, about that, but nah, it's just stuffy in here, and hot, and _man_ I'm sweating a lot—"

"All right, all right, I get it." She brought her knees to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. Her face was hot and flushed, so she tried to cool them down by resting them on her knees, where her skin was a bit colder. It felt as everything was spinning, and closing her eyes didn't help. Yeah, and they say alcohol made you feel good. What a load of bull.

An awkward silence passed through them. She wracked her brain to think of a topic to bring up, because really, she felt like the pressure would end up suffocating her, not the lack of air circulation in the closet.

"I-Ino's an idiot for doing this, huh?" Apparently, Naruto had already thought of something to say. "You know, shoving us into a closet and all."

"Yeah, it is." Sakura could breathe again. "Ugh, she's just so…she thinks she knows everything, and…what the hell is up with her to throw us into a closet together?" she slowly trailed off. Both of them laughed a little uneasily, a little drunkenly. And that made everything _so _much more awkward.

"When do you think she'll let us out?"

Sakura shrugged. "Whenever she wants to, I guess."

"Would she let us out if we did something stupid?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Like making out and stuff."

Sakura would have bashed him over the head for saying something like that, but she realized that there was no 'questionable' tone when he said it. His words were a little slurred—he was just a talking drunk and saying whatever was on his mind. Oh boy.

"I don't know," was the best reply she could come up with. "I guess."

"Oh."

When they quieted again, Sakura could hear the faint sound of talking, music, and clinking of plates and glass echoing into the room they were in. "Sounds like the rest of them are having a fine party without us," she observed.

"Well, they—" Naruto hiccuped, "They're just stupid. It's my party—well, it's at Shikamaru's house cause mine was too small, but th—" _hiccup_ "--That's not the point…_I_ should be out there celebrating. What a bunch of…" he scrunched his flushed face as he tried to remember what he was going to say. "…bunch of…freeloaders."

Great. So it turned out Naruto had consumed a bit more alcohol than she had thought. "Oh, I didn't get the chance to tell you beforehand," she started. "Congratulations on becoming a jounin."

"Thanks."

"Still not hokage, though," Sakura joked.

"Pfft." He tried to scoff, but it came out as some sort of a snort. "I have time. I'm only 18."

She chuckled. "Don't worry, we all know you will." She paused. "I know you will."

Suddenly, she harshly sucked in her breath. Naruto had rested his head against her shoulder, closing the small, tension between the two. She really hoped he didn't feel her body shudder.

"What, are you tired or something?" Sakura asked, hoping to hide her stutter.

She felt him shrug. "Dunno. I just felt like leaning on you." He paused. "That all right?"

Sakura coughed. "Well, I guess. I mean—yeah. That's fine."

Her neck began to grow hotter than it already was from Naruto's flushed cheeks. She wondered if he could feel her rhythmic beat of her temple. She would have asked, but she was interrupted by a soft inhale and exhale beside her. What in God's name was he—

"Heh," Naruto chuckled. "You smell nice, Sakura-chan."

"Oh really? Like what?" she asked nonchalantly; too tired, hot, sweaty, and drunk to protest against his sudden forwardness.

He inhaled again—it slightly tickled. "Peaches? Something like that."

She laughed. "You're right. I used peach-scented body wash before I came here."

"What do I smell like?"

Sakura could not believe she was enjoying a conversation so inane. But her brain must have been detached from her body, because she leaned over to sniff at Naruto's face.

"Smells like ramen," she observed, giggling. Inwardly, she noted to herself that it actually smelled good.

And the two stayed like that, just leaning on each other, and it felt nice, perfect, and she would not have minded sitting in this closet with him for the rest of the party.

And then Naruto kissed her.

It was sudden. She heard him say her name, and right when she turned, she felt his hot breath moistening her face. Something like hot electricity burned through her face and down to her chest, stomach, and into her bones. And then he leaned forward, and his lips almost smashed over hers. It was clumsy, it was awkward, and it _hurt. _And he didn't let go, continued to kiss—with his lips firmly closed like a nervous and confused child—, until neither of them could hold their breath any longer. She gripped at his arms, and he finally pulled his head back an inch back for the air to rush back into his lungs, she heard, she smelled, she felt his exhales, and she was sure her panting was mingling with his own. And yes, he definitely could smell the odor or ramen mixed with alcohol.

Her head was spinning, and she felt that there wasn't perhaps enough air for her, but she managed a shaky, "W-what—"

"You—" Naruto panted, "You said if we made out, Ino—Ino would let us out, right?" He threw his arms around her waist and pulled, closing off any unnecessary space between the two. A flushed warmth radiated from his entire body, and she felt it seep into her skin. In the back of her mind, she hazily admitted that it felt rather nice.

"I was just—that was a joke, Naruto!" She shot back, flailing her arms around to escape from his hold, but her lack of coordination was of no help. "Let me go right now, you drunk idiot!"

And surprisingly, he complied; unintentionally or not, his grip loosened momentarily, which was just enough time for her to wrench his arms off of her. They both spent the next minute trying to get their breath back. Sakura finally took a deep inhale, trying to push down her thumping heart. And again, it was Naruto who spoke first.

"Hey, Sakura-chan?"

Great job for making it awkward, Naruto. "What?"

"Can we make out if I get your permission?"

Sakura couldn't believe she would blush at such a nonsensical question. Well, what could you expect from a drunken Naruto? "Permission? Of course you need it, you dolt!" she burst. "You can't just—just _kiss _me like that—really horribly, too—"

Naurto laughed. "All right then, I'll just kiss better," he replied, completely disregarding everything else she had said.

She heard him shuffle closer again; closer until the tip of their noses touched. She gulped audibly and mouthed a few unconvincing words of protest, but trailed off when she felt his breath hot on her lips.

"So do I get your permission?" he asked huskily.

And Sakura didn't know what to say when she stared at his damp hair, his face glistening with sweat, his cheeks tinted with red, and that glint—that _glint_ in his eyes. Suddenly, an impulsive sensation of need overwhelmed her. Slowly, she raised her hands and softly rested them on the sides of his face. She didn't even feel a flinch; only the heat, the desire exuding from his very pores. She stared into his eyes--the deep, unfathomable sapphires reflecting his very soul—his beautiful eyes.

"Try to kiss better this time," she whispered.

Naruto nodded with a breathless laugh then tilted his head down—slower, gentler than before. His wet lips closed over hers, and this time she responded. Her eyes fluttered shut and she pushed back with a greater intensity. She parted her lips in a gasp when she felt a sharp sting on her lips.

"W-watch out for teeth—" she said, or tried to—her words came out muffled and fell on deaf ears when he brought up his hand to tangle his fingers through her pink hair. His other arm snaked around her back and pulled her closer, until their chests touched and she could feel the vibration of his heartbeat resonating through her own. And he kissed so deeply, so greedily, craving more—so much more than what he was receiving now. Sakura's heart skipped a beat when, in her muddled thoughts, dimly realized his tongue pushing against her teeth, into her mouth. Her breath hitched at the slick sensation, and something squeamish—a good kind of squeamish—began to rise from inside. There was no talking—the only sounds hanging in the air were the crumpling of clothes, the harsh panting, and the occasional breath of a name.

He broke off slowly, catching his breath. "Was that—" he gulped, "Was that all right?"

Sakura's eyes were half-lidded and her eyelashes fluttered when she stared up at him and gave him a grin. "Felt nice," she complimented.

"How about this—" he replied hoarsely as he kissed her again, softly, barely touching her lips. He trailed down, to her chin, to her throat, to the nape of her neck. He nuzzled his face against it, and he felt his head fit perfectly there; just below the ear, beside her collarbone—and he liked it.

"Oh--" Sakura bit her lip to hold back a moan when he nipped at her neck, sucked, licked away the sweet sweat dampening her body. She didn't know what to do with her hands; they were snared into his hair, clutching on the back of his neck, and then exploring his broad back through the tips of her fingers. The pressure of her hands increased when Naruto's hot kisses traveled further down to the small dip between her breasts—

"Shirt, your shirt—" he muttered lowly as he pulled his head back. "—In the way," he hiccuped, then reached for the ends of her shirt to pull it up.

"W-wait—" Sakura panted as she gripped on one of his hand, " I don't—you take off your shirt first."

Naruto lowered his hands as he rested his forehead on hers. "But why—"

"I don't know, it just—this feels awkward for me, I don't want to be the only one half-naked and--" she argued, trying unsuccessfully to gather her thoughts and express them coherently. "You—you know what I mean—like—right?"

He laughed drunkenly. "I—I don't—you're just being selfish—" However, he was already taking his shirt off as he said this. It was only for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity as she watched him, waiting with an unfamiliar hunger, shivering at his lack of touch and warmth. And right when the last of his arm pulled out of the sleeves, she pounced on him, knocking him over. She laid on top of him, with one hand on his chest, another hooked around his neck as she pulled him into another fierce kiss. And all the while, Naruto fumbled with his hands, flopping them around her hips, on the surface beneath them, before they managed to grip the sides of her shirt and yank them up, exposing more of her skin. Sakura supported herself on one elbow while she used the rest of her body to squirm out of her top. Everything happened in a blur, as if they had fast-forwarded a movie, and before she knew it Naruto had pushed her up against the wall and was focusing on that one _sensitive _spot on her neck, grazing the skin with his front teeth. Her body tingled and flamed, and the same heat traveled down, lower, lower—

"Sakura-chan, how—" Naruto slurred. "Your bra, how do I take—"

"You…idiot—" she gasped, "Just—it's on my back, the clasp—just _unhook_ it like—here, let me do it." She was about to raise her arms when suddenly she heard footsteps,—from _outside_, the sound of a lock opening, and the creak of the hinges of the door—

And the bright fluorescent light from the outside room glared into her eyes. Still breathing heavily with flushed cheeks, she squinted up to see a completely shocked face of Shikamaru, whose mouth was gaping open.

Oh. Fuck.

Everyone was silent for a few seconds.

Then, "Naruto--Sakura…this—you two—this is my_ closet_."

When neither Sakura nor Naruto replied, he slowly brought a hand to his face. "May I ask why there are chakra-repelling notes taped all over my closet?"

It was then that Sakura decided to speak. "Um. Well, Ino kind of…" she cleared her throat. "Locked us…in…" her words slowly dissolved into the air.

"Yeah," Naruto interrupted with a lazy smile. "Thanks for letting us out of here, man."

They stayed quiet for another 4 seconds before Shikamaru let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm truly overjoyed to see you two…expressing your love for each other," he started awkwardly, "but would you please…not do it in the furniture where I pick my clothes for the day?"

Like a child being chastised, Sakura nodded her head vigorously. When Naruto did not respond, she elbowed him in the rib, and he managed a dazed roll of his head.

"Oh, and when you two leave the room, make sure to put everything in that closet into the laundry basket. _Everything_."

Sakura mouthed a small "yes", her face turning redder by the second. Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, muttering something below his breath. He turned around and sighed once again before exiting his room and closing the door behind him.

It wasn't until she heard his footsteps fade away before she tumbled out of the closet, along with a few other pieces of clothing she dragged along. Naruto, whose coordination was not top notch at the moment, simply fell to his face upon setting his foot on the floor.

"Awkward," Sakura finally spoke. "That was fucking awkward."

Naruto chuckled—more like snorted--, his cheek still plastered onto the hardwood floor. His face was beginning to cool down from the cold surface. "I thought it was kinda fun."

"Yeah, well, that's because you're too drunk to notice anything right now."

His face scrunched up in disagreement. "Naaah. I think I've sobered up a bit."

"Then you can have some common sense to put your shirt back on, idiot," she said, already pulling her shirt over her waist.

His lower lip rose up in a pout. "No second round?"

She kicked him in the ribs.

"Ow. Okay. But I totally wouldn't mind one, you know."

Sakura smoothed out the wrinkles on the edges of her top. "…Good for you."

"Hah, you're blushing."

"Of course I would be! If Shikamaru hadn't interrupted, we might have actually…" she trailed off.

"What? Had sex?"

"You're really annoying when you're drunk, did you know that?"

"Yeah, maybe I'm not as sober as I thought."

She rolled her eyes.

"So, um. Is it a good time for me to say 'I love you'?" he wondered aloud.

Sakura stared at her toes. "I guess so."

"Oh. Okay then." He blinked and stared at nothing in particular. Then, "I love you."

"What kind of a confession was that?"

"The drunk kind?"

"Well, that's what I get for expecting too much." Sakura let out a sigh.

"Mm." Naruto paused again. "So your response?"

"Oh, I—um. Well." She trailed off before she turned her head and mumbled something like "love you too".

From the corner of her eyes, Sakura could see Naruto staring back with wide eyes and blushed cheeks.

"What, are you shocked or something?"

"No, my brain's just all…dead right now. Like, I'm really tired. And sleepy." Naruto rubbed the back of his head as he lifted his stomach off the floor.

"Here, lean against the closet," she said, patting onto an empty spot beside her. Naruto dragged himself to the closet and dropped his head onto the closet door. He turned his head to Sakura and smiled.

Sakura lips curved up in response. "What's with the smile?"

"I don't know." He glanced down—then back up to her face, and his eyes were shining. Gleaming. "I didn't expect you say you liked me too."

"Well, tonight was pretty unexpected in general," she replied, the smile never leaving her face. Then, a look of irritation passed through her face. "Speaking of which, where's Ino…"

"Wait one second." Naruto clumsily reached for her hand and grasped onto the ends of her fingers. "You can kill Ino later, but…" he shrugged. "Want to just sit with me for a while? Just to talk?"

Sakura opened her mouth, then closed it. Oh, it was that—that same yearning tone, that same silly smile, that same gentle touch—that made her fall in love with this good-for-nothing ninja. When she nodded, he loosened his grip only to fully envelop his hand over hers. And the warmth transferred to her hand, and spread out through her entire body. She slouched back to her original position, but edged closer to Naruto, just until their shoulders touched.

She waited once again for him to start talking.

And he did.

"Shikamaru's closet sure was comfortable."

"Yes. Yes it was."

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A/N: Yeah, I know. This was the first smutty thing I've ever written. And you know how the first time for _anything_ fails 99% of the time? This is totally one of them.

I was sick of writing angsty sobby boo-hoo stories, and I just wanted to write something that wouldn't make people gush about how 'sad the fanfiction was' or how 'it brought tears to my eyes'. Smutty funnies are the way to go.


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